Parents who fight influence their children and who they could become.
A child's world revolves around their parents, their nurturers and safe place. Children need to know that their parents love each other and that there is no danger that the family will break up. When parents fight, children experience feelings of insecurity and vulnerability. They may also experience guilt and think that they could be the reason for the fighting.
It is not realistic to expect married couples not to fight. Every marriage goes through periods of conflict. Parents just need to find ways to debate more constructively so that the children are not adversely affected. Parent's need to realise that children learn to apply what they experience so, by bringing your conflicts to a positive conclusion, you will teach your children how to resolve arguments when they are adults.
How can parents have a “good” fight?
• Try not to argue when you are mad at your other half. Take a time-out and assess what really needs to be said.
• Consider what your child may hear and imagine how they would feel.
• Be adult in your approach – slamming doors and name-calling is juvenile and just adds fuel to the fight.
• Try and establish the real issue. Picking on your partner because you are tired or feeling neglected is just skirting around the issue. Explain how you feel before it deteriorates into a full-blown argument.
• Do not play the blame-game. Even if you think you are right this time, you may be wrong next time.
• Try and argue when the children are not around – either go out or wait until the children are asleep.
• If it all goes pear-shaped and things get out of control, do your best to reassure your children afterwards. Let them know that it has been sorted out. Make sure you apologise to them and explain that you were both wrong to lose your tempers.
• Don't try and get your children to take your side or turn them against your partner. Don't involve them in your argument.
• Make every attempt to clear the air with your partner and make up as soon as you can so that you can present a united front; a team for your children to rely on. It is critical for a child to see conflict resolution in action and that there can be a positive outcome.
• Finally, after a fight, never be shy or afraid to show physical affection for your spouse in front of the children. It reassures them that you do still love each other and that their world, as they know it, is still intact.